Wednesday, July 2, 2014



How to alienate friends you thought were otherwise okay with the fact that you’re gay? Talk about gay sex, of course! Well, okay, maybe “alienate” is a bit of an exaggeration but, yes, people find it to be a cringe worthy subject. Even some of the biggest and self-proclaimed so-called fag hags are not quite comfortable with the subject of what it is their bent friends do between the sheets.
Let’s be honest: try as we might to make it seems as if we are accepting of homosexuality- yes, that word that makes me feel like I’m somewhat deformed- the truth is that most people really just don’t want to engage with the subject but act as if it’s all good! What better way is there of ignoring something than to act as if it doesn’t exist anyway?
I don’t know how I feel about this kind of approach but it feels like a little bit of a cop out to me. You know, it feels a little like ignoring a problem in the hope that it will go away. Earth to you; the gays are here, they've always been here and they are not about to go away!
Anyway. I’m thinking about this in the light of what is perhaps a new wave of gay celebrities who really just don’t give a toss what it is the airheads and Jesus lovers have to say about sexuality. These celebrities are gay and that’s that! They don’t rub it in nobody’s face but they don’t hide it either. They are simply living their lives in the same way that anyone would want to live their lives- freely! While the media will often mislead you into thinking these people “came out” of the closet, the truth is that if you follow the stories of how these celebrities “came out” it really isn’t a “coming out” at all. It is simply an individual talking about who or what they are attracted to. Think Sam Smith who allegedly “came out” by stating that his album In the Lonely Hour was the result of a dude’s unrequited love. Think Nakhane Toure who sings about his Christopher without batting an eyelid. Was it not the same thing with Frank Ocean? There are several other examples I read about and think: “Oh, so… How exactly did this person actually come out? Did they stand on some podium and say that big old swear word: “Hello world, I am gay”?”
What does coming out mean to begin with anyway? And why is a necessity?
For the media, using headlines like “Sam Smith Comes Out” serves the purpose of selling papers and generating pageviews, of course, even if it is far from the truth. 
Don't get me wrong. I am not entirely opposed to the idea of coming out. A lot of gay people swear by it and I have no reason to believe that their reasoning behind this is invalid, but I also find it to be one of those things that reinforce the notion that heterosexuality is the norm and gay is the otherness. I also truly believe that a lot of people live in the proverbial closet because of the scary prospects that are attached to coming out. Why can’t you just live and let people take the cue from you? We know the answer to that. Why not talk about your relationship with a member of the same sex as if it is no different from a hetero romance (because it really ain’t, it’s all love)? We know the answer to that, too.
Both scenarios are probably too much to ask because as much as one wishes it was so, gay really isn’t the new normal. It remains an old anomaly that, like race and other prejudices, now benefits largely from silence disguised as acceptance.

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